THAILAND - Mai Hong Son - Part 3

Around 2 in the morning I woke up. I kept seeing shadows walking by me in the dark room. The moonlight was showing through the screen door that was left unlocked. After the shadow passed me for the forth time I finally got up, wide awake, heart beating like crazy. I tried to stay still under my blanket, not to make any movements or noise. I was trying to see what was moving in the room. It was very dark so I couldn’t make anything out at first. But then I saw movement in the corner of the room where Moni’s was sleeping. It was someone sitting criss cross on the floor saying “C’mon, we have to make this fire for tonight”. I must having been dreaming or there was a girl who was sleep walking. I stayed awake until I was too tired to keep my eyes open anymore. But I didn’t really realize what had happened until the morning. At 5 a.m., when everyone started to get ready for morning chanting, I got up with Moni and we made our beds while I looked at her in complete confusion and just shook my head. She laughed silently and told me to tell her during breakfast. I agreed, now was not the time to understand this strange incident. This morning I decided to take my camera and snap a few shots outside our dorms of the sunrise between the huge cliffs that framed the monastery. It was beautiful, I decided to skip morning chanting and just listen to it from a sitting at the pond, which I’m glad I did. It was magical. But I’m sure chanting would be just as good. I went over around 6:30 a.m. to help with the rice offerings. After that it was breakfast. We sat with Etien. I told Moni about what happened that night. I was so tired from not getting any sleep, also my back and hips were killing em from the concrete floor finally. I knew it would hit me soon. Moni and I laughed at the girl sleep walking, I could not figure out who it was though! Our mission for the rest of the day was to try and guess who it was. I thought it was a girl who showed up last night late and had a short hair that decided to do a silent retreat and not speak. But who knows. After breakfast, all 3 of us washed our dishes and help the kitchen clean up. We sat next to the pond until morning meditation. This time I listened to someone’s advice about sitting in a chair for meditation. Before we sat for long we had our little lesson for the morning and then got up for walking meditation around the lawn. I was getting better at “not” concentrating on what I was doing, I lasted more that half way through the walk this time. When we got back to the hall I sat in my chair and really concentrated on sitting, my breathing, and not thinking. It worked! Next was laying down meditation and…. I fell asleep. Thats because I had no sleep the night before, so I felt like I deserved it… Anyway afterwards we said thank you and then got ready for second rice offerings. I was excited for lunch after. Just the same old stir fry veggies and white rice, but I never got sick of it. It was comfort food. This time I think I ate the most rice in one sitting that I ever did. Running on no sleep, I needed the food for fuel. After lunch, Moni and I wanted to have a little walking date to go explore the grounds more and take some pictures. We went over to the lawn where we do morning walking. Here we gazed at the flowers and sat under shaded trees. The pond had more fish in it and the sprinklers misted us with sweet cold water. I got Moni to admit she liked Etien, more than just a friend… And I was so stoked! Finally she met someone on this journey to love! After the lawn we walked over to the other meditation hall that only the monks use. It wasn’t as big but still so majestic. We walked by the creek and listened to the water streams, this I could meditate on forever it seemed. After we made our way to the stairs leading up to the mountain caves. The stairs were lined with giant dragons, and I noticed more signs of encouragement posted on the trees. At the top of the stairs we walked to the cliff and there was a scene of statues. It looked like it was telling a story, but I think it was about Buddha finding enlightenment. Some of the figures were a little rough looking, Moni and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Walking alongside the cliff we found the next platform had an antique bookcase full of Thai Buddhism books. ANCIENT! So cool to see that this place was very old and still kept going. There was cave next to it that had an alter and next to that looked like a tunnel leading into the mountain. I told Moni to go in, but it didn’t go that far. After we saw the time and it was almost time for afternoon meditation. We got back just in time, this time there were about 13 monks. It changed constantly. We got up and ready for walking meditation right after we sat down. I saw Etien and smiled at him, he was a decent man after all. This taught me to never judge someone before I met them. He really meant well. I knew this was my last walking meditation since I would be leaving tomorrow, but I wasn’t she Moni was going to leave just yet. I did really well this time around walking. I got to another level of existence it felt. I looked up into the trees and it felt like that was all that was existing. It was silent but the wind. The sun twinkled. And I started to have a conversation with my nana, who had passed away about 2 years ago. I talked with her almost the whole first half of the walk. It seemed clear as day. I asked her questions and she answered! It made me smile. But then she had to go so I let her. Even though I wasn’t separating my mind and body, I still had the best time of my life that made me happy. I woke up out of my trance as soon as I saw the monks pass me, this meant we were heading back already, that went by quickly. Moni was directly in front of me so I remembered I had my camera in my bag so I got some nice photos of the rest of our walk. Back in the hall, we sat and meditated, but it was too hard too, but I’m glad to say this time I did not fall asleep during laying down meditation. After that was over we had some free time before mindless tasks. I went back to the room to read about Buddha and his journey from a book I found in the library. I read the entire story! It was very interesting and it made some things more understandable. Moni was out talking with Etien. It was nice to relax in the dorm seeing people sleep and do yoga in privacy. I wanted to sleep but could not for some reason. Once it was time to start working I didn’t catch Moni, but I went directly to a spot that needed attention, and it was hidden from all the walkways. I noticed in the corner of my eye that I guy that I saw the day I arrived has been watching me. He was a silent meditator and almost every time there was free time, he was in the hall meditating. He was most likely my age, very handsome. But he kept looking over at my while we both swept, I tried to ignore it. I really focused on my leaves this time, every inch of grass in this area was clean, I got to know the bumps and flaws of it too. When you focus on one tiny task at a time, you can really stop and see the detail, which I really enjoyed. After some time passed, Moni approached me and we checked the time, it was already 5 p.m. and free time for us. Moni and I wanted to go eat some fruit by the pond so we could have one last “date” before we parted ways. Back at the hall I decided to do a few more tasks like filling the water containers on all the tables, it was here the silent meditator watched me. After I was done, Etien came up to us and introduced me to this very very cute Spanish bouncer. He was adorable! I was sad that I couldn’t spend more time with him, but it was probably meant to be. It was nearing evening chanting time, but Moni and I wanted to get our quick date inso we headed to the room to get some mango and sat down by the pond and started cutting. Etien came up to us and talked, we offered him some fruit but he denied. We still had time afterwards to relax so I went to the room to read and Moni went to the “store” building where she bought some black sesame candy that she forgot to save me some and ate it on the walk back… But we then went to evening meditation just on time to hear the bell, the dog, and the silence of the monks walking. We chanted in the most beautiful way. This time I knew the words a little better so I could really sing it. And I did. I felt the groove through my body. The energy flowed out of my throat. As the air temperature cooled I really felt alive. This energy came out of nowhere! After 45 minutes of chanting it was sitting meditation, it was approaching dusk and the mood was set. I sat in the chair and released all my tensions, I did what Etien told me to do and examine every inch of my body. But before I could move passed my shoulders something amazing and extraordinary happened. My eyes rolled upwards in my head uncontrollably, it felt like they just kept going. Then a pink and purple golden cloud was hovering above me. Out of it came Johnny’s face. Johnny was a childhood friend of mine that had died in a car crash right before I left for my trip. It was a hard time for me to say goodbye, but I loved hi dearly as family. There he was, clear as fucking day, talking to me. I asked him how he was, what its like, and if he was ready to go. He answered. My mouth was quivering at this time and my eyes were strained. After what felt like a short time he told me he had to go, his younger brother was calling to him asking to talk. I said goodbye and wished him well, also thanked him for coming to me on this pure night. After he left, I felt my feet being touched with a warm hand. I tried to look down but I couldn’t. After I heard my nana’s voice tell me my little feeties are too cold. She was here. She was really here. She appeared above me where Johnny had just been. Tears of joy streamed down my face. I can't believe how real she looked. She smiled and shared her wisdom with me. She told me things I could not share, but I will always remember our conversation. We talked for what seemed an hour. I asked her hard questions which she told me that I could find the answers to myself with time and self realizations. She told me of the mistakes she made in her life, but would never take them back. She wished that I take care of my mom and my siblings. She said that to love and care for them would bring me happiness and peace. She wanted me to tell them that she never meant to leave them, but she will always be with us, watching. At this moment I never wanted to open my eyes again, seeing her smile once more made me so calm, my heart felt like it wasn’t beating anymore. Her warm hands touched mine and she leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. Her warm wet lips felt so real. I couldn’t believe it. More tears came from the corners of my eyes. It was time to say goodbye. I didn’t want to. But nana told me it would be all right and she will take care of me for the rest of my journey. She backed away and the clouds covered her face. She was gone. I opened my eyes and the hall was pitch black. Silent. I felt alone. No one else was in the room. I was floating in space. I couldn’t feel my body. It was just my mind floating. My face was cold and wet from the abundance of tears. I was smiling and crying as hard as possible. I was so confused and happy at what I just experienced. She had came to me before, but nothing like this. I never believe in spirits until now. I soon heard the voice of a new head monk come on the microphone. “Bhu, Doh”, “Bhu, Doh”, slowly everyone moved inch by inch their bodies. The lights came on slowly and I felt this immense feeling of happiness come over me. I smiled as big as I could. The new head monk was so jolly and happy. He came to lead me this night. He was special. He chuckled over the phone and made funny jokes for about 30 minutes. The other head monk was more serious. My favorite joke he made was about American BBQ and how Thailand could make it for you, but it would be horrible. They weren’t the best jokes but with his voice they were pretty funny and made me laugh out loud. Once evening chanting was over I walked up to Moni and she could tell I had been on a journey that night. We hugged in the darkness, because touching others was a no no in the monastery, and we just embraced each other. I told her was I saw that night and how magical it was. After we talked with Etien and the Spanish guy by the teas. We then walked back to the dorms and had one last “date” with Moni since I would leave the next morning and would probably not see her again until we were both back in California. We busted out our chocolate bar stash and snacked a little. One piece led to eating the whole bar and some bag of nuts. We couldn’t stop laughing silently and eating. Just smiling at each other since all the other girls were either sleeping, doing yoga, or giving massages. Butter eyes could connect and share our happiness and memories. We said goodnight and Moni wished I would sleep peacefully without any sleep walkers disturbing me. I hoped so too. When the lights went out I said goodnight to Nana and Johnny.